Start from Scratch

Writing 1300 words per day was my target. Portfolio season is always a doubled edged sword for me. It gives me an existential crisis of not getting a job. Also, that is the time I reflect on my works, on my documentation of how I am portrayed in my design industry. I love my job. So, in a way it's a good thing. After taking out a lot of procrastination, today I resumed two things.

First, running. I ran today with my new weights. I entered the 60+ kilodom. Running gives my will back. Secondly, design journaling. I was consistent 8 months ago. This is the only forum for which I have no promotion, no visibility but it exists. I try to journal my life through the lens of design. To reflect on the act my system does and the feedback my system emits. Between both these actions exist a confounded variable which I cannot control. 

Its design task season, getting exploited as usual, killing my confidence to the core. Unwillingly enjoying the rat race by disconnecting brain and gut intuitions. Forgetting the whole point of my work (intentionally). Discipline is slipping off from my hands. Clearly witnessable. So, started again. Started from scratch. This shouldn’t be a form of distraction. This should be the act of life. Play to think, think to create, create to play. My way of living, not under control but to co-exist. Fine line matters.

Veekay